Intro:

Q: “I’ve been watching your videos for a while, and I really enjoy them. But I want to go deeper, I’ve always had a hard time staying in trance, and I want to see how far down the rabbit hole I can go. I was wondering if you have any advice on how to stay deep in trace, thank you.”

 

When I asked her what that meant, she said, “If I went deeper, I would definitely would want to feel more pleasure for sure. To feel like I’m a passenger in my own body and to have someone else in control, to be submissive.”

“I can go kinda deep, but usually when pleasure is added in, I kinda wake up, I have a hard time transitioning from relaxation to pleasure. If that makes sense.”

I have more questions, but that is a good place to start right now and an inspiration for what I’m about to say.

What is she talking about? Can you relate? Or does this seem strange to you?

It took me awhile to figure out myself.

Every religion from the beginning of time has taught ‘surrender’…to God. To Divine will. To Source. Universe. Truth. Etc.

A lot of us have been down that path, been betrayed, found its limits and now we are looking for something else.

Surrender. Letting go. Submission.

Ironically, she is asking for a way to overcome herself.

What does that mean?

The question shows supreme wisdom.

She is asking an interesting question. There is a part of her that wants to surrender, to relax, to go deep, to have new experiences, more pleasure, and deeper trance states. “Someone else in control. A passenger in my own body.”

On the other hand, we have this “logical mind”, which seeks to protect us by controlling everything…which is ultimately a delusion. We can’t control anything. Life happens to us, and we can respond or react. But the mind has this idea that if it holds on to control, then everything will be alright.

But she feels and deduces correctly, that if she can turn that part of herself off, and allow herself to relax more completely, she’s going to receive more pleasure. The deeper she goes, the better she’s going to be able to feel. Just like surfing or hang gliding, there is a certain amount of surrender that you have to enter in order to feel that exhilaration. As a self-confessed control freak, I have frustrated my attempts at enjoyment many times by tension, trying to ‘stay in control’, and not being able to relax and cooperate with the wave or the mountain or even the feelings in my own body.

Sex and pleasure are similar. The more your body takes over, and your mind takes a backseat, the greater your experience is going to be.

And, YouTube recordings are a wonderful channel for that. I see she has practiced quite a bit…training herself to get to a specific place. But there has been no feedback in the process. And, without a teacher, sometimes we get stuck.

It’s like trying to tickle yourself.

My first flippant advice to her is to work one-on-one with someone. Why do I say that? And what does that mean? The reason I say that is because having someone actually watching from the outside as we have our experiences allows us to get feedback. It allows them to bring feedback to us. Figuring out how to achieve more pleasure is like a puzzle. Just like any kind of healing. We can look at receiving or accepting more pleasure as a process of finding ourselves more completely.

And just like any journey, learning to play the piano, learning to do gymnastics, learning to communicate with others, the Journey of overcoming the obstacles and going deeper is one of practice, and thinking. We practice, get to a certain point, if someone else is there to watch us, they can see what we’re doing wrong and coach us into getting further. In the kink/BDSM world, the guide is the Dom or Top. The surrenderer/receiver is the bottom or the sub.

So many people talk about being tricked or confused or outwitted or overwhelmed or overpowered or somehow be forced to go into these places. That’s the fantasy: That someone has some sort of power to overcome what our own minds are doing to prevent us from having pleasure.

The truth is, you can never not inhabit your body. You can never give someone “control” of you. Every time you act, you make a choice. So, it’s your choice to surrender or follow or obey or go deep or have orgasmic pleasure or whatever else you think you want.

She already knows that on some level she will feel better as she gives up control, as her mind gives up that egoic drive to “protect her” by staying in control all the time.

That’s like trying to water ski while you’re also driving the boat. You know that you’re not going to have pleasure that way. You’re not going to have exhilaration and thrill. You have to let go and allow all those parts of you that resist to feel safe and go to sleep while you’re led into more relaxation and pleasure.

And that’s not an easy thing. For any of us.

The work of pleasure is still work. It requires effort. A lot of it. Of course, the rewards are immense. But that doesn’t stop it from being work.

 

Pt I:

What do I mean when I say to “work with someone”. What are the risks, pitfalls, and dangers that are involved? How can she do this safely?

And what will the process feel like?

I’m going to generalize this question for any sort of deeper pleasure. Depending on whom you ask, 15-30% of women have never orgasmed. Of those that have, they orgasm only in a specific way with a specific stimulation.

And yet, there is so much more.

Every block to pleasure will have a barrier.

In other words, when I work with someone on their pleasure/life experience, we always get to a specific level of sensation and then something kicks in.

Tension. Fear. Intrusive thoughts.

Some trauma of the past. Some childhood phrase. Some reason why pleasure…more pleasure, too much pleasure, is a bad idea.

The personality, which may best be described as as series of compensations to trauma, and the ‘egoic mind’ hold things in stasis.

It felt/was dangerous to go beyond a specific level of energetic expression and freedom as a child. I talk about that in other places.

Those limitations get ‘baked in’ in our society, and most people stay with these walls around their thoughts, their expression, their freedom, and their pleasure their entire lives.

A few will notice the walls.

And fewer still will attempt to climb over or around or under them…or dismantle them altogether.

She has already taken tremendous responsibility and power by pursuing her own pleasure.

By paying attention and spending time on it.

For the next step, we are going to find these walls.

Although it takes longer, my preference is to dismantle them. More on that in a later piece.

I have had many many people come to me looking for more pleasure.

Once they see why they are avoiding pleasure, most of them run.

Just like the ‘parable of the sower’ in the New Testament, when we figure out that if we search for more pleasure:

– We may disappoint our spouse

– We may upset our parents (living or passed!)

– We may ‘get in trouble’ with authority

– We may lose our existing identity

– Our beliefs will need to be challenged

– Our friends may not understand

– We could face very real penalties in a pleasure and body-negative society

…many people quit the search.

 

Which is why I am, more and more moving forward, requiring some kind of commitment to the path before I take someone on it.

It’s like all the tourists coming up to the foot of Everest saying, “Wow! It would be fun to see the view from the top!” and I say, “Let’s go!” and then they say. “Whooaaaaa! I didn’t mean to actually climb it!”

Or, some take a few steps and quit, etc.

The smallest token of readiness to begin this journey is my $5 membership to this Pleasure Journey on Ghost. This is where I begin to share some of the how-to’s about the journey to pleasure, give exercises and meditations and journeys, and allow you to live some of the principles of pleasure.

So many spiritual orders have some kind of ‘initiation’ to show people that the path of knowledge or wisdom or transformation that they are embarking on will require a death of the old and rebirth of the new.

Sometimes baptism. Or taking some vows. Receiving a new name. Or some other ceremony.

If you are serious about any potentially life-changing path, you are going to run into an invitation to do this, sooner or later.

So I guess what I am saying is: be aware that your question has some very real and deep invitations, challenges, and opportunities.

As real and delightful as a journey into pleasure can be, pleasure is serious. And its exploration can have revolutionary consequences for yourself and the world, which you should be aware of.

Does that scare you away?

 

That’s enough for Part I of beginning to answer this question. go to Pleasure Cult to read more for free.

 

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